something beautiful that wasn't there before
A March recap, an Iceland travel scrapbook, and the value of messy art
A note: I may have gotten carried away with the amount of images I shared this month, so if you’re reading this in your email inbox, the post may be truncated. Hop over to Substack to see it in full.
Hello friends!
It feels like an age since I sent out my last newsletter, and it has been a little longer than my usual monthly missive. This is probably because March was so busy! It was a month of travel, unexpected obligations, and a really demanding few weeks at my day job. It was also the month I planned to start revisions on Project Alchemy (we’ll get to that in a minute.)
A quick travel overview
The trip in question was a 9-day trek around Iceland with my cousin. We bought tickets when they were really cheap last summer, and spent 7 months planning and saving for what ended up being a really cool road trip around the entire circumference of the Ring Road that circles the country. We got incredibly lucky in terms of weather during that time; temperatures during March can range from 20-40F, with rapidly shifting weather, so we expected to keep our plans flexible and adjust if the weather interfered.
That didn’t happen at all, and we got to do almost everything we planned. There’s a lot to cover, but suffice it to say that it definitely felt like the trip of a lifetime. The landscape was incredible and varied from snowy rolling mountains in the north to more misty, green cliffs covered in flocking seagulls along the southeast coast. We saw black sand beaches, incredible moss-covered boulder fields that extended as far as the eye could see, and fields of volcanic rock covered in yellowed grass where there were tons of horses and sheep.
Some highlights included:
Visiting tons of incredible waterfalls, including Goðafoss (definitely the largest waterfall we saw) and Gljúfrabúi, the Hidden Waterfall, on the southern coast (the waterfall we got the wettest visiting).
Spotting a whale in the harbor in Reykjavík
Stopping along the road after a long day of driving or hiking and always seeming to find a cafe that looked nondescript on the outside, but inside was one of the coziest, most pleasant places with hot food and usually some kind of cake. It always felt like a warm hug
Visiting Diamond Beach and the Glacier Lagoon and seeing the incredible translucent shards of polished glaciers that wash up on the beach as well as a bunch of seals
Tasting fermented shark and aquavit at Cafe Loki in Reykjavík
Staying at a guest house run by a couple who have an active farm, and feed you breakfast partially comprised of produce they’ve grown themselves
Visiting the Skool Beans Cafe in Vík - a coffee shop inside a repurposed school bus
Visiting the Gígjagjá cave (better known as the Yoda Cave because of the shape of the opening) in the middle of a lava field, and having the place completely to ourselves at dusk. It was eerie and beautiful seeing nothing but black sand and fog as far as the eye could see
Soaking in hot springs that provide you with a cold beer, where you can just chill and survey the ocean. I’m pretty sure I need more of this kind of thing in my life!
Just generally spending time with my cousin and singing along to unhinged Spotify playlists while driving across the country
The trip was a much-needed break from routine, and all in all, it couldn’t have gone much better. I’m really grateful for the experience, and will be looking back on it fondly for years to come. I’ll probably also try to recreate some of the great food I had including apple cake, sheep stew with veggies and barley, and seafood soup with potatoes.
Coming back to reality
Coming back from that trip to the weekly grind was another thing. Workshops and a conference for my day job, jury duty, and a number of freelance projects meant that I was really busy and out of routine. And while those things were good and necessary, I felt really behind at work, and my creativity took a back seat.
By the end of the month I was burned out, exhausted, and just sad that this alignment of events was preventing me from getting back to Project Alchemy, which I was (and am!) excited about and eager to work on. There’s something to be said for carving out the time to do the creative work that feeds you, but sometimes there is just no remaining time to carve out.
That brings us to the beginning of April, when I was supposed to take another trip to Arkansas to stay with family during the solar eclipse. Right up until the night before we were supposed to leave I was telling myself I could make things work out, but when it came time to pack I just couldn’t do it. As fun as it would have been, I couldn’t justify going away again, only to come back more tired and scrambling to stay on track with my paid work than I already was.
I won’t lie; I had a bit of a meltdown. Despite the number of things on my plate, I couldn’t quite reconcile with the idea that I hadn’t managed my time well enough to do them all. But I’m sure anyone looking at the situation from the outside would tell you that’s what happens when you agree to do so many things. It turns out that these five days with the house to myself have been an opportunity to work and rest, as well as something I haven’t tried in quite a while…play.
Making bad art
It’s not like I never play. I play video games; I play with my nephew; I play Dungeons & Dragons every week. But what I don’t do that often is try something new, something I’ll probably be bad at, just because it feels good to make something. And that’s what I was missing during the parts of this month when I had my nose to the grindstone, when I wasn’t working on my story - the thing I’m making for myself and my readers - and I found myself craving it.
There were some points this month where I felt really low, either from being tired, or just sad and depleted. I won’t get into the details of my jury duty experience, but it was a pretty heavy case, and I found myself going home in the evenings, unable to talk about it because we couldn’t while it was ongoing, and just thinking I wish I could write a poem, make a drawing, anything beautiful. Everything feels so heavy and awful, and I want something beautiful to exist here instead, that wasn’t there before.
So after the experience of hitting a wall and missing out on the trip, I took some time to catch up on my work, and then I busted out a set of acrylic paints from the basement, and just got to work making the messiest paintings you’ve ever seen while watching Critical Role. The paintings are nothing to write home about, but the act of making them felt so good. I got to work with color, something I want to do more of. I got to not care about the outcome. I got to think about my trip while I did it, capturing some little snapshots of my favorite moments in sketchy strokes.
I’m sharing them here, not because I’m particularly proud of them, but because I want to remember and share how good it felt to try something with no expectations attached, that nobody was waiting on me for, that didn’t have to be perfect in any way. In fact, I think the fact that these are imperfect is part of what’s great about them, because it reminds me that all art is imperfect, and maybe trying so hard to make it so is part of the reason it can start to feel tense and rigid.
Anyway, have some bad paintings along with the photos that inspired them. And maybe if you have the time (or if you can make it), try your hand at something new this month that’s awkward and messy and just for you. And tell me if you do!
Until next time, take care.
Greta
I loved reading this, Greta!! I am so glad you had such a good time in Iceland. It makes me want to travel there your photos are stunning!
Also, your paintings look like paintings??? The way you wrote made me think they were going to be much less impressive. I thought they were gorgeous!
I also connected a lot about breaking down after trying to do it all and just wanting to create but not always being able to make it the priority. I hope you're able to continue to find different ways to create and honor yourself!
Ok first--I must know what fermented shark was like. (I think you told me about this, but I forgot!) Also those paintings are WAY better than anything I could do! I love how you found a cathartic outlet for some creativity and knew when to take a break.